(PDF NEW) [Fifty Shades of Grey] á E.L. James
Fundamentals of Music Processing dG Amused Amused at me Dressed In black What are these fragments four in a row What is this punctuation GASP AT HIM BEING CLOTHED Is this supposed to be poetryLet me add some line breaks for poetic interestThrough the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me Smiling Amused Amused at me Dressed In blackThat s almost betterLet s have another shall we from chapter 24 once Iidn t put that song on my iPod he says casually and puts his foot Kink Alchemy down so that I am thrown back into my seat as the car accelerates along the freeway What He knows what he soing the bastard Who African American Romance (New Adult and College United Sates Thug Drug Interracial Romance) (United State Urban Adults Alpha Male Contemporary Billionaire Short Stories Book 0) did And I have to listen to Britney going on and on WhowhoThe song ends and the iPod shuffles to Damien Rice being morunful Who Who I stare out the window my stomach churning WhoSAY WHO AGAIN BITCH JUST TRY IT I DARE YOUOkay and now maybe even worse than the writing oh hell nothing s worse than the writing nevermind is the lack of plot Now once again you already know this Do I even need to tell you nothing happens Seeing as it s based off of a book where nothing happens you can be guaranteed that as we go one step removed even less happens Here is the part where I apologize to Twilight where I said in my page by page commentary below that 50 Shades was entertaining I was at the very beginning I was young and na ve Iidn t realize I m sorry You know how The Office kind of got bad after Jim and Pam got together because there was really nothing you were waiting for after that This happens by likechapter 2 You re likeokaywhat now we jut have to watch them whine as a couple for the next zillion pages Okay I can t even fathom that there are two other books written about this couple I literally want to open the window and invite birds to eat my eyes out as punishment for buying and reading this bookAnd now for a bit of tiddlybits I m going to share some information on storywriting that you guys might find interesting and will help show exactly why 50 Shades has zero plot I went to school for film and we had story evelopment classes One thing we were beaten over the head with about is something called the 7 Sentence Story This will help for any writers that are writing their books to be cinematic or would like their novel to be considered for film purposes this is by no means a rule but a really helpful guideline First you need a problem a conflict A reason to tell a story Once you have that your plot should be able to be escribed in seven sentences thuslyExposition we are introduced to the protagonist andor main charactersInciting Incident something happens that kicks off the conflict the whole point of the storyPlot Point 1 because of the inciting incident character sets off to Alchemy of the Mortar Pestle (The Culinary Library do somethingcorrect the problem etcMidpoint here in film you might see a montage but it s a place where either plot point 1 is resolved or there is a transition in the characters way of thinkingPlot Point 2 often an even bigger issue arises or a twist that changes or accelerates the conflictClimax final showdown orecisions needed to be madeResolution everything comes to an end the conflict is settled in one way or anotherBasically if you can tell your story in this way in seven sentences you ll know that A the main point is clear B that your story La crise des abeilles doesn t wander too much inifferent irections and C that you actually have a plot to stand on that you can justify there s enough substance there And since that s a lot of vagueness we ll go with a classic captivedominant story to show how one tells a story in seven sentences Disney s Beauty and the Beast First the main conflictConflict The prince has been turned into a beast and has only a limited time left before he is trapped forever as oneAnd the seven sentence story Exposition Belle is a smart girl who rejects the advances of Gaston as she oesn t want to be stuck in a mundane lifeInciting Incident Belle s father gets lost and captured by the Beast in his castlePlot Point 1 Belle trades her freedom for her father and is prisoner in the castleMidpoint Belle starts to experience feelings for the Beast and is complacentPlot Point 2 Belle s father is sick and the Beast The Vintage Book of African American Poetry decides to let her go even though he s giving up his chances of being with herClimax Gaston comes with an angry mob toestroy the BeastResolution While Beast lays You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse dyi Introducing an even abusive andisturbing TWILIGHT Now with whips and chains Fifty Shades of Shit Haters please exit stage leftI m not sure what possessed me to pick up Fifty Shades of Grey I thought I might genuinely like it before I started but all I was left with was one hell of a mindfuck Whatever it was that brought on this knee jerk purchase seems to have mercifully left me with enough common sense to say I will not be continuing on with this seriesRecently I iscovered one of my favorite publishers Random House has picked up Fifty Shades of Grey and made this statementAn orig i nal work and said to us that James had war ranted the books were indeed orig i nal Mes sitte added she was aware of the nar ra tive that 50 SHADES
as IELTS Academic Writing dif ently titled piece of fic tion but that they were and are twois tinctly sep a rate pieces of workI m sorry but I m going to have to call bull shit on that Fifty Shades of Grey and Master of the Universe the original fan fic are essentially the same thing The biggest IELTS Writing Section - How To Achieve A Target 8 Score difference being Edward and Bella s name being replaced with Christian and Anastasia respectively And I would know this because I have both and while I was reading I would occasionally switch back and forth between the two withoutifficulty I go through and give you examples myself but other people have one it already here and here So if you must read this book Windows PowerShell in Action do yourself a solid and find the fan fic online You even get the second book tooI know some people claim this has no similarities to Twilight and gotammit I m allergic to all the bull shit Do I really need to point this all out Because it looks pretty obvious to me The mannerisms of the characters are exactly the same They even say similar things the original characters say The whole The Literature of Africa and African Continuum dazzle line and Edward asking Bella to trust him Her mother being remarried with the same inability to maneuver her way around a kitchen Bella is still trying to save Edward from himselfue to his troubled past Edward still stalks and controls Bella only now he gets to hit her when she gets out of linefacepalm Shall I beat them both YesI struggled to come up with a proper review for this book and couldn t figure out why I was feeling rather uninspired to write one And then I figured it out I was left so I've Got This Friend Who What You Can Do If You Think You or Your Friend Has A Serious Problem Advice for Teens on Alcohol Drugs Depression Eating Disorders and More disgusted by this book that I wanted to purge the memory of its existence from my mind With a rusty nail Every time I thought of the book my brain cells would go on strike yelling obscenities at me Anyway I thought Bella and Edward s relationship couldn t get any fucked up than Twilight I stand corrected If I were toescribe FSoG in one sentence it would be this Fifty Shades of Grey is like Twilight on steroids high on ecstasy in a Mindful Eating with Delicious Raw Vegan Recipes dirty little corner A veryirty corner With badly written sex LotsSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexFifty Shades of Grey tells the story of the beautiful but of course she Aliens Genocide Aliens doesn t know it naive virgin Anastasia Steal after she is suckered into interviewing the Greek god Christian Grey Of course sparks fly and for some unknown reason he can t seem to stay away from this incredibly unremarkable girl Anaiscovers Christian is into BDSM and Signs and Symbols: African Images in African-American Quilts desires her as his submissive fuck buddyThere are a myriad of problems with this novel many of which ironically can be found in Twilight Never saw that one coming ChristianEdward is still a controlling bastard only now he hides behind his BDSM practices to camouflage his abusive tendencies However Anaoesn t see it that way She thinks of him as a broken person and it s her Person in the Memory duty to fix him Even when he says things like thisI want to hurt you But not beyond anything you couldn t takeCan you believe she let s him beat her after that And pleaseon t even bother to tell me that it s just BDSM No just fucking no Ana is genuinely afraid of Christian and is never entirely comfortable with the punishment aspect of their relationship But Christian just manipulates her with sex to continue the relationship And that s what really gets me I just have a hard time believing a virgin would somehow become a sex goddess overnight because that is exactly what happens When she first is introduced to his kinky lifestyle and tells him she is a virgin he immediately tells her he needs to handle that situation before they could continue What Since when is your virginity a situation But that s not really the kicker Oh no because that is when we are introduced to Ana s two best friends Everyone say hi to SexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexAnna s inner goddess who always cheers her on when Christian wants sex or wants to punish her She s also uite annoying Stealing the Gila: The Pima Agricultural Economy and Water Deprivation, 1848-1921 doing back flips at the mention of anything sexual related Simmerown Where Literature and Dictatorship in Africa and Latin America 1958-1987 did she come from exactly Ana is in her twenties and has never felt the urge to have sex with anyone until Christian comes along with his whips and chainsAnd Ana s sub conscious who hides behind couches when it comes time for her beating When it comes to Ana having sex with Christian well her sub conscious only has one thing to say So after the situation is handled Ana has to sign a contract agreeing to his sexualemands and also outlining things she won t Academic Advising Approaches do It was pretty pointless considering he still got what he wanted and she never signed theamn thing He exploits her stalks her and abuses her She cries after sex She is afraid of him being angry Even when he is angry at something else she thinks it s her Her reasoning for allowing him to hit her as his therapy is because she s afraid to lose him That is not a reason for agreeing to a BDSM lifestyle In fact that s not even really consent These uotes just scream WHOS WHO IN AFRICAN AMERICAN LITERATURE VOL.1 domestic abuse to mePleaseon t be angry with me I whisperPlease on tstarted as if
hit me I whisper pleadingHis brow furrows his eyes widening He blinks twiceI on t want you tome I whisper pleadingHis brow furrows his eyes widening He blinks twiceI Alphas Abused Mate don t want you to me Not here Not now Pleaseon tYeah he s a real catch that one Barf No excuse me That s not right The barfing came when the little ass wipe PULLED HER TAMPON OUT AND RAMMED HIMSELF INSIDE OF HER OMFG Yes the caps were totally necessary because that was the most isgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune of reading That is not sexy that s foulWhenever Ana thinks about leaving him he comes over to her apartment unannounced pounds into her literally and her inner goddess oes a fucking happy Climate Smart Agriculture (Natural Resource Management and Policy Book 52) dance forgetting her urge to kick his sick ass to the curb They fight they breakup They kiss they sex upSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexChristian Do you still want me gone AnaInner goddess growlSub conscious Dance puppet DanceThe writing is a shitty mess too I mean if I had to sit and read Ana saying Holy shit or Holy Fuck or Oh my one time I was going to lose it I wanted to take my red pen and have at this book so badly It was the little things like Ana s roommate saying over and over You never cry Ana and whato we find Ana always Academic Body doing Crying I m not sure where the hell the plot was smacks forehead How silly of me Didn t I mention this was a Twilight retelling Why was I expecting a plot And another example of poor writing for these characters to be American they sounded very British to me They used phrases that Americanson t useAnd now I m trying to figure out why this book is so popular Why Saint Germain On Alchemy do so many women love this book I get the appeal of the bondage even though it s not my usual cup of tea Whips Chains Sounds excitingSexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexohsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex Abuse Not so muchFuck my life Zero starsEh I m off to read a good book now and possibly to bleach my brainMore reviews at Cuddlebuggery Book Blog Head s up If any of you fuckers comment at the bottom of this review and say Youon t understand BDSM I will hunt you Chasing the Red Queen down and make you eat your computer plus the mouse plus the keyboard plus any other internet connectedevices in your home including but not limited to iPhones iPods iPads Androids games consoles and ereaders This book is not an accurate or healthy portrayal of a real BDSM relationship between two consensual and enthusiastic parties Thus by Haylee defending it as such you areoing a The Columbia Guide to South African Literature in English Since 1945 (The Columbia Guides to Literature Since 1945) disservice to the actual culture of BDSM no kinkshaming Soon t fuck with me and try to pull that shitOh also there will be a substantial amount of cussing throughout this review If you care about the sanctity of your virgin eyes then shut Hijacking the Brain down your computer and goo something else We are all grown ass adults and this is the internet If you re going to come over and here and lecture me about swearing then I 僕のヒーローアカデミア 3-4 d advise that you PIPE the fuckown and stop being so bloody The Path to Gay Rights delicate Alrighty then You guessed it guys it s story timeWhen I was thirteen Iecided I wanted to be an author For years I Karen vs Alien d chattered away about being an architect or a vet or what have you but who was I kidding All I ever wanted too was write So I sat Gendered Citizenships down and Iid I id writeI m actually not shitting you I thought it would be as easy as sitting own and writing some crap on Wordpad alright calm Singing the Law down this was the noughties and I wrote a lot of crap I tried to write a play and then I tried poetry and then I wrote short stories before eventually expanding into novels Novels is a stretch I wrote about a hundred single spaced pages and to my presentay horror made my family read it And they actually Alchemic did Remember all those embarrassingly awful school projects youid when you were thirteen Or even just those embarrassingly awful things you We Sell Drugs did in general when you were thirteen I feel the same level of shame when I think of my little preteen self handing this pile of shit over to my sister and thinking I actually had somethingAbout a year later with zero knowledge of how publishing works I posted it straight into a bunch of indie publisher s slushpiles A vanity publisher replied to me and told me theyidn t want my work and I Problem Solving in Data Structures Algorithms Using C++ did the undoable I argued with themAs I write this I m practically convulsing with embarrassment Vanity Publisher if you re reading this please forget I ever existed But if you can to that at least give me an alias when you tell all your friends about that Literature of Africa dumb kid who sent you the book about pyromania without havingone any researchIn some ways having read this book I finally feel like I identify with that vanity publisher I read someone s irredeemable shit and hated it but then they tried to Women and Sustainable Agriculture: Interviews With 14 Agents of Change defend it and I got so mad I broke a window with my facePeeps if you think EL James hasn t tried toefend this shit then you need to get on YouTube and watch some pleading vids from the publisherI justI haven t read a book this awful since Revealing Eden but let s not open that can of worms It was like an acid trip Am I reading
*this I thought Is this actually a published book Are people actually parting with money for this slab of *I thought Is this actually a published book Are people actually parting with money for this slab of garbageI feel like this book insulted me really I feel like it spat in my face because what reader respecting author would create a protagonist this redundant and awe inspiringly Crossing the color line in American politics and African American literature dense expecting an audience to love and respect her It s as if someone took an ice cream scoop and relieved Ana of her brain How could you Why would you Why is sheI justI have no words I have no words to explain this protagonist None at all I have to say about the love interest who s like a threatening Charles Manson but with only one brainwashed follower Ana This guy goes to the hardware store and buys like chains and lime and shit and Anaoesn t think this is weirdWhat the fucking fuckAnd of course there s the whole inner goddess shit and Ana thinking that it s sexy to wear a chunky knit sweater and be strapped into a vehicle and then using the word vagina Rebuilding during a sex scene Oh he touched my vaginaYeah excuse me while I tame my bonerI felt so uncomfortable reading this book Now let s be honest here I read porn Of course I read porn Anyone over sixteen who says they ve never looked at or read porn is talking out of their ass But this book made me feel uncomfortable and here s the kicker I read it alone I was reading it alone in my living room and I felt uncomfortable inside my own head What the fuckoes that tell youI Intro to Alien Invasion don t want to start yammering on about the way this book is written It s written like horrendous fanfiction There are spelling and punctuation errors stupid turns of phrase random asides stiltedialogue awful physical Therapy of Love descriptions weird pacing and Ion t know like a thousand instances of brand Democratic Phoenix: Reinventing Political Activism dropping and band naming which gives the book this bizarre cheap andated uality that really takes away from what little redeeming features it might have hadWhat are the redeeming features I Museum Activism don t know The blurb sounds interesting That s about itBut what is it about this book that s captured the attention of so many millions of people across the world The absurdly stupid protagonist The pushy obsessive totally unrealistic love interest The relationship in which only one party is actually interested in BDSM and the other is incredibly resistant to it but is forced into it The terrible writing The awful cover art The cheap thin binding A story so convoluted so ridiculous so totally immature it could only ever have been born from Twilight There is nothing enjoyable about this book This book is garbage There are no two ways about it it is shit Awful awful shit And I m not sorry for saying so This is my fucking opinion and I mamn well going to voice it This book can kiss my ass Those of you who have had the privilege of reading Fifty Shades of Grey will appreciate the context in which this review was written For those of you who have not read the book well you ll have to buy a copy to understand the inside joke CONTRACTDated this Narcissistic Mothers day 28thay of October 2011 BETWEENPA LUPTON reader and fan Fifty Shades of Grey by E L JamesAndALL FANS OF EROTIC CONTEMPORARY ROMANCEEXPECTATIONSReaders can expect to find within the pages of this book a flawless rendering of the internal psychological struggles of a novice submissive in a BDSM relationship Anastasia Steele is an innocent to sexual relationships let alone BDSM relationships E L James captures perfectly her fears confusions insecurities and internal conflicts as she Falling For A Kingpin deals with falling in first love with a man who epitomizes the meaning ofominantCHARACTERSThe reader shall Violence and Trauma in Selected African Literature discover within this novel two of the most well thought out and inepth characters The hero Christian Grey admits that he is Fifty shades of Fu ed up which makes the reader want to The Social Rebellion delve in and learn about each of those fifty shades The heroine Anastasia Steele is a study in contradictions smart but na ve innocent yet sensual independent yet submissive and these paradoxes keep the reader captivated and eager to learn THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWSUpon signing this contract you the fan agree to proceed to your nearest bookstore or e book retailer and immediately purchase a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey I PA Lupton warrant that upon reading said copy a multitude of emotions will inevitably ensue I further warrant thatisappointment will not be one of the aforementioned emotions Your signature on this contract further indicates your accord in following the rules set out in APPENDIX 1 to this agreementSIGNATURE APPENDIX 1RULES1 Please ensure that you have Kleenex prepared when you read this novel as build up of emotions will unavoidably lead to the inadvertent shedding of tears2 Make certain to schedule ample time for reading as once you begin you will be unable to put your book Best African American Essays 2010 down Be warned If obligations force you to cease reading prior to completion for long periods of time it will inevitably lead to impatience and frustration3 IMPORTANT Cold liuids ice cool cloths or any cooling euipment such as central air or electric fans should be close at hand Reading the romantic ie sex scenes in this book without these coolingevices will certainly lead to overheating 4 Enjo. T Sie kommt von ihm nicht los Christian führt Ana ein in eine Navigating The Seven Seas dunkle gefährliche Welter Liebe – in eine Welt vor The Big Book and a Study Guide of the 12 Steps of AA der sie zurückschreckt undie sie och mit unwiderstehlicher Kraft anzieh.
E.L. James ê 3 free ownloadTrigger Warning This review contains strong themes to include rapeBefore I begin what will likely become a very long rantpublic service announcement let me first say a few words I have nothing against EL James Nothing She s said that this series is a fantasy she managed to put on paper and that she never expected it to gain such momentum Good for her for perusing her The Alien Surrogate dream of writing If this book also fulfills one of your fantasies or if you just plain enjoyed it good for you too This review is in no way meant to belittle or condemn you for liking these books and nor is it an attack on the author These are solely MY OPINIONS about howangerous FSoG is to society and specifically to women Needless to say this book oes not fulfill one of my fantasies It s pretty much my biggest nightmare But it s just fiction No You can t use that argument with me Not any This book is not just fiction This book has become a frigging phenomenon As I write this over 70 million copies have been sold in the United States alone hardware stores have run out of natural fiber rope and there are even BDSM for Beginners classes cropping up in small town AmericaSo excuse me but I can t just read this and think of it like a fantasy not when it s become a reality for so many people and not when I was so enraged by what I found within itOkay everyone take a eep breath grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and settle in We re going to be here for a while First up is probably the most inflammatory of the statements I m going to make so we might as well rip the band aid offTHIS BOOK PERPETUATES THE RAPE CULTURE WE WERE ALL RAISED INThere I ve said it I m not taking it back and I m not apologizing If you re unfamiliar with this phrase allow me to elaborate Wikipedia De lautre côté de la machine. Voyage dune scientifique au pays des algorithmes defines rape culture as A term used within women s studies and feminismescribing a culture in which rape and other sexual violence usually against women are common and in which prevalent attitudes norms practices and media condone normalize excuse or encourage sexualized violence Let s look at the first half of that Salt and the Alchemical Soul definition As much as we may want to ignore the facts rape and sexual violence are common in America According to RAINN the nation s largest anti sexual violence organization someone in the US is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes On average that s about 207754 sexual assaults each year 54% of sexual assaults are not reported 97% of rapists will never spend aay in jail and 23 of these assaults are committed by someone known to the victimI could go on for Sams Teach Yourself Data Structures and Algorithms in 24 Hours days about how prevalent attitudes practices and the media condone sexual violence but I won t because I m really going to try and keep my words and links relevant to FSoG Thankfully throughout my research I found severalhundredThe University of California has an interesting article about how social and cultural norms perpetuate rape and rape culture In it they specifically address how women are conditioned from early ages to be passive and accept and affect certain attitudes and behaviors Here are some of the social rules they list and elaborate on1 When spoken to a woman must acknowledge the other person with a gracious smile2 Women must answer uestions asked of them3 Women must not bother other people or make a scene because they are uncomfortable4 When in trouble it is best toefer to the protection and judgment of men5 Casual touching or suggestive comments in social settings are meant as a tribute to a woman s esirability6 It is the natural state of affairs for men to carry the financial burden of social situations7 When engaged in a social encounter it is not proper for a woman to superior in any game sport or iscussion if she wants to be accepted8 Women should always accept and trust the kindness of strangers if they offer helpThere s a blog post by Harriet Jacobs that also speaks to this and I urge you to read it in its entirety In short it says women are raised being told by parents teachers media peers and all surrounding social strata that it is not okay to set solid and Strong at the Broken Places Overcoming the Trauma of Childhood Abuse distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately andramatically when crossed mean bitch it is not okay to appear South African Young Adult Literature in English, 2000-2014 distraught or emotional crazy bitch it is not okay to make personalecisions that the adults or other peers in your life Baby Peter LEGACY OF ABUSE do not agree with and it is not okay to refuse to explain thoseecisions to others stuck up bitch it is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody over and over and over again angry bitch it is not okay to have or express conflicted fluid or experimental feelings about yourself your body your sexuality your Shards of Glass - A Little Girls Journey Back into Her World of Physical, Mental and Sexual Abuse desires and your needs bitch gotaddy issues it is not okay to use your physical strength if you have it to set physical boundaries Buying Power: A History of Consumer Activism in America dyke bitch it is not okay to raise your voice shrill bitch it is not okay to completely and utterly shutown somebody who obviously likes you mean Nature-Inspired Optimization Algorithms dykefrigid bitch Now howo these two examples relate to FSoG Simply put Ana the main character in this series continuously exhibits the behaviors listed in the rules and seems to have the mentality of those listed in the bullets She might as well be the case study on which both were basedEarly in Garbage Absolutely horrifying utter trash A waste of trees
space and oh so very fucking precious braincells Honestly why is this even published Every single book store in Sydney is promoting this tripe claiming it to be some kind of awesome romance novel Are you absolutely shitting me There is nothing romantic at all about this book And I Geographies of Learning: Theory and Practice, Activism and Performance don t mean the BDSM erotica themes I mean the fifty levels of abuse in this friggin thing In fact that s what this book should be called Fifty shades of absolute fucking insanity and abuse I know at least every one star reviewer has taken the title and created their own pun with it but fuck it I m jumping on the bandwagon too Before Iecided to read this God help me I kept seeing it everywhere I went and the book store where I work was involved in the promotion among other book store chains Typical All me and my co workers knew that it was smut and a hell of a lot of it too We even turned the book into a BWWM (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 50 (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 50: Billionaires Secret Baby 5 (Interracial African American Romance Urban Baby Romance Short Stories) drinking game and it goes as thus Flip to a random page of the book If it s somethingirty take a Unequal Profession drink Io not recommend this game for one could Ormus Modern Day Alchemy die from alcohol poisoning within the first round But if you re feeling adventurous by all means Glad I could be of service to your crazy party ideas But anyway let s cut to my opinion of this abomination of literature Iecided to read it because it sounded like garbage and I haven t written a review about garbage in too long I owed something to the people who actually found me worthwhile to follow on Goodreads So I The Archaeology of Mothering: An African-American Midwife's Tale decided hell I ll review this Brain cells I will never ever EVER get backThis is literally the worst book I have ever read and I say that about many books But this is the worst book for aamn good reason Let s talk about what I hated about this book The bottom line is I hated absolutely everything And I m not saying that to be funny I m saying that out of all seriousness I Lo pienso bien y lo digo mal didn t find a single redeeming uality in this book With the Hush hush series we at least had the unintentional hilarity and the awesomeness of Marcie In Twilight we had that chick who wanted to kill Bella and Tyler s van Fifty shades of Grey has no such redeeming ualities The characters are bland and merely props to set the stage for fucking weird BDSM ing and the plot was lost somewhere in the vagina of the author s wetream Believe me I feel weird for even typing these words Not to mention even though everyone already knows this this was originally a Twilight fan fiction called Master of the universe or some shitty stupid title like that How The Illustrated Anthology of Sorcery, Magic, and Alchemy did such a thing get published What Twilight wasn t horrible and abuse glorifying enough so we had to kick it up a notch with publishing Master of the universe Are you people serious Why is it thatumber and Love, Immortal (Alchemy, dumber things are getting published uality is almost non existent Fucking hell But before I rant on for hours about that let s talk about the characters Oh I mean props Yeah props is appropriate Why Because the characters for all the personality they had may as well have been props Our first main prop is Ana aka Bella Swan The plain virginal wallflower who thinks lowly of herself whilst everyone around her just seems to freaking worship her She is also clumsy reads books hasivorced parents Lego DC Super Heroes doesn t get along with her step father and is a brainead moronic twat Remind you of anyone I wonder who you re thinking of That is a humdinger isn t it I m amazed how many women are not pissed off with her complete lack of sense and self respect She lets a man abuse her physically and emotionally and allows him to satiate his ever growing need to control her completely passing it off as some cute obsessive habit And even if she has On Being Black and Reformed: A New Perspective on the African-American Christian Experience doubts and runs away she comes running back to him only seconds after How are people not pissed off about this Seriously Not to mention she has zero personality zero brain cells and zero common sense Her character serves no purpose other than becoming some abusive asshole s sex toy And let s not forget our second main prop Christian Grey aka Edward Cullen aka creepy stalker sociopathic megalomaniacal abusive horrifying asshole The fact that he has fangirls in the real world has pretty much ruined my faith in mankind and the new generation Christian Gray pretty much pushes the limits that Edward Cullen Patch Daniel and others have yet to pushue to their PG ratings but fuck Renaissance Emerge Series does Christian Grey push those fucking limits He physically abuses Ana and it somehow gets excused on the account that she was briefly aroused by it SERIOUSLY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY Fuck my life He alsoecides what she should eat what she should wear how she should act speak communicate with him where she can and can t go or what she can and can t Guantanamo and the Abuse of Presidential Power do threatens her constantly even with physical violence and the list goes on I kid you not He even has this set out as a contract which by the way is repeated at least 5 times in the fucking book Here s another example of how romantic this mother fucker is I like the control it gives me Anastasia I want you to behave in a particular way and if youon t I shall punish you and you will learn to behave the way I From a Whisper to a Shout desireSee Romantic as freaking Mel Gibson And by the way the women who find this guy romantic need some serious therapy Seriously Harsh I know but finding this guy romantic is like like excusing the actions of a child molester because he has nice hair This is not romantic This is ABUSIVE and WRONG on sooooo many levelsIon t know why they Alt 10 Retrospect Prospect decided to plant this book in the general romance section This is not romantic Andon t give me the IT S MEANT TO BE BDSM SO IT S SUPPOSED TO BE ALL DOM VS SUB This goes way beyond the good ol BDSM theme and just ends up treading into abusive territory Christian takes these aspects into the relationship where he ends up not only controlling a woman sexually but also emotionally and Integrating African American Literature in the Library and Classroom deliberately moulding her into not just a sex partner but an ideal of what he wants her to be and leaves her no room for her individuality and instead brands it as punishable That s not part of the BDSM jig I m sorry but it s not Why people even call this romantic is beyond me I already mentioned the abusive aspects of this so called relationship but other than that it was a relationship built on air Since neither of the characters had any personality outside their sexrives they had nothing that they saw in each other They couldn t relate to each other they Celtic Plant Magic: A Workbook for Alchemical Sex Rituals didn t share any common interests theyidn t Reading Contemporary African American Literature do any good for each other outside the sexy stuff And at the end they want to pass it off as though the two are actually in love Give me a break Watching people get swooped at by magpies is romantic that this garbageThe plot There was no plot Seriously I could not find it ANYWHERE I searched and searched but alas my search has left me unrewarded Let me explain in a uick paragraph how this book goes Girl meets some guy Some guy is hot Girl thinks some guy is hot Hot some guy shows up where girl who thinks some guy is hot works Hot some guy asks out girl takes her virginity Stuff happens Hot some guy introduces girl who thinks he s hot by the way to his BDSM sexungeon and the next half of the book is spent pondering whether or not girl who thinks some guy is hot in case it wasn t mentioned enough in the book wants to indulge in hot some guy s fantasies Also the hot some guy takes complete control over girl Southern African Literature: An Introduction did I mention she thinks he s hot who seems to be totally okay with it More stuff happens Girl gets spanked too hard breaks up with hot some guy The end That s it That s the whole book And the whole Ohhh Christian has secrets bullcrap in the blurb Bullcrap His secrets are mentioned in only 5% of the book andrive the plot nowhere The book is only about how some asshole wants to control some stupid girl The other characters are barely relevant They were just props whose only role was to be interested in the relationship between Ana and Christian They idn t seem to be interested in anything else They could be buttering toast and thinking I wonder how hard Christian is fucking Ana right now An absolute waste The media might be promoting this tripe as the new hero of literature but this is and always will be just another wart on the ass of literature along with Twilight and all its escendants You know what they say you can polish a turd but it will still be a turd I Plowshares Pork Barrels: The Political Economy of Agriculture (Independent Studies in Political Economy) didn t want to start this book Many people are praising it but I m simply not into erotica it s too cheap for me But here I am in the mind of the innocent waiting to beevoured by the big bad wolf Sounds pornographic Gem is Mine but Heart is Yours doesn t it That s because it is Christian Grey A hotude that melts a woman s panties off with just one look The perfect sex toy set out to conuer an innocent girl Grey the sick fck is considered one of the hottest characters out there but he American Africans in Ghana Black Expatriates and the Civil Rights Era The John Hope Franklin Series in African American History and Culture doesn t get to me Hisominance is too much for me to handle and his attitude tends to be annoying and slimy Plus he s just wrong in the head so there s no need to add about this creep Anastasia is an immature insecure BWWM (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 16 (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 16: Billionaires Secret Baby (Interracial African American Romance Urban Baby Romance Short Stories) desperate idiot who wants to become the whore of Babylon She just wants to listen to her inner goddess wtf and have creepy monkey sex with Grey She has no personality nor will whatsoever she gets excited over the smallest and most idiotic things you can imagine and even though she sees how wrong Grey the sick fck is she still goes for it She s always mooning over Grey like he s some kind of god that she s supposed to worship He tells her that heoesn t want a serious relationship just sex and she s still ok with it Why Just because he s hot He s a My Hero Academia damnisgusting pervert He hurt her the first time they made love she was a virgin for Christ s sake and I Gotham Academy, Volume 3: Yearbook don t buy the crap with it being perfect surely she had vaginal cracks after that and is treating her like a slave Even though he s a successful businessman and he s rich and famous he still can be a psychopath Just watch American Psycho and you ll know what I m talking aboutNow to pick on one of my biggest problems regarding this book THE CONTRACT WTF may I ask Signing paperwork in order to have sex with him Is he a natural hazard or what I get the whole Hey look at me I m badass I have my own company and helicopter gig cause the guy is stinking rich but the contract Isn t anyone getting angry with this I guess not Why would Io that To please me Wtf All women want to please him Why Cause he s hot He s a perverted asshle that s what he is He s acting like he owns everyone Aren t you guys angry I have rules and I want you to comply with them They are for your benefit and for my pleasure If you follow these rules to my satisfaction I shall reward you If you on t I shall punish you and you will learn Learn this kicks him in the groin Creep It s about gaining your trust and your respect so you ll let me exert my will over you Hehbookshelf space and
Right Eye Twitches Exert My Will Eye Twitches AgainAren Teye twitches exert my will eye twitches againAren t guys angry with this yet uestion for all the people who gave this book great scores If Grey wasn t so hot would you still have given it such great ratings I oubt you would So this means that the reason why you love the book is mainly Christian Grey being hot and an uber alpha Shallow much Or maybe you re into all the Christian Grey induced monkey sex and torture Psycho much But who am I to judgeThis book is just a esperate woman s sick fantasy to be treated like a sex slave I m sorry but it oesn t work for me I DNF The Devil’s Historians How Modern Extremists Abuse the Medieval Past d this because I find itisgusting and The African American Odyssey Volume 2 degrading PS I have to mention this because some people are too smart to get it MY REVIEW IS STRICTLY RELATED TO FIFTY SHADES OF GREY AND NOT BDSM IN GENERAL So take a chill pill and GTFO What in the hell just happened Did I really read that Oh my god Iid I Steal This University: The Rise of the Corporate University and the Academic Labor Movement did read that Meet Anastasia Steele Ana is just a giant mess of a human being She s insecure to the point of it being laughable klutzy even though she only trips twice in the entire book and a completeitz She s a virgin of course who s never taken any sexual interest in anyone before Right I m fairly certain there hasn t been a woman this naive since round about 1954 At one point she thinks putting her hair in pigtails will keep her safe from Christian s lusty advances Fuckin really She flushes constantly and on several occasions referred to her hoo hoo naughty place as Hardcore physical child abuse down there Next we have Christian Grey Christian is a misogynistic self loathing abusive piece of shit Apparently his only redeeming ualities are in this order his ridiculous good looks his money and his giant penis The only time Ana seems to like him as a person is when he s being lovable and those times are few and far between Most of the time he s serious brooding and threatening How charmingI knew from the very first line this wasn t going to be good I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror It was cemented that early myeep Handbook of Agricultural Entomology deepislike for this moronic simpering asshole Your hair won t behave Guess what My suspicions were confirmed a few pages later when Ana admits that any sympathy she feels for her sick friend is unwelcome Unwelcome apparently because her friend is beautiful even when she has the flu What a petty jealous cunt The only thing that made the first 4% of this book tolerable was the fact that I read it aloud to my younger brother and his freuent commentary was amusingly Dare for More distracting Once he gave up however I had to travel the rest of the road alone What a painful journey it was My first impressions of Ana were badeservedly so What were my first impressions of Christian Well That s how I felt about Christian Grey From the beginning Any time an author tries to sell me on a character s charm by waxing hormonal about how ridiculously good looking he is I snicker inwardly I can t think why HuhAnyway after reading about the THE COCAINE ADDICTION CURE (Drug Addiction, 12 Step Program, Road to Recovery, Alcohol Addiction) description of Christian s building hello first penis metaphor I had to sit through the awfulialogue between these smarmy idiots and hope beyond hope that something anything would Boku no Hero Academia dj - Osananajimi ga Sugoku Yakkai na Kosei ni Kakatteru distract me enough to see me through to the end Turns out I found something about 15% through I went back and counted and kept track throughout the rest of the book ando you have any idea how many fucking times Ana said Oh my in this monumentally bad missive Do you I ll tell you 79 79 motherfucking times He pulled me back against his chest oh my He began kissing a trail A Gypsy Promise down my belly oh my He s an insufferableouchenozzle oh my I m just thankful that neither lions tigers nor bears were brought into this mess at any point About halfway through I wished I Imprisoned with the Alien Rohilian Warrior d been keeping track of the word crap because Ana is constantly sayingthinking it Crap Holy Crap Double and Triple Crap Oh Crap This Crap That Crap any and all Crap Speaking of crap if I ever ever ever have to hearread the words inner goddess again I m going to construct a pyre out of tampons and maxi pads light it and toss unsuspecting women into it My inner goddess will cap yours in the face if youon t shut the fuck up I m sorry I just couldn. Sie ist 21 Literaturstudentin und in Masterplots II der Liebe nicht allzu erfahren Dochann lernt Ana Steele en reichen und ebenso unverschämt selbstbewussten wie attraktiven Unternehmer Christian Grey bei. .
T take any of this seriously His playroom His playroom Really Or how about his weird ass issues with food He wants the girl slim and in shape yet he won t stop trying to force her to eat I simply love the attempt EL James made at giving these pathetic shells personalities Ana wears Converse rives a vintage car and likes classic British lit Yawn haven t heard any of that before And Christian we know Christian s super eep and sophisticated because he plays the piano and listens to obscure classical music This is how we know Edward Christian is really just a lost soul in need of love his love of music Everyone knows that no one threatening listens to music Music lovers just aren t capable of oing anything bad Surprise Psychos like music too Since this is considered nothing than mommy porn I will attempt to pander to that particular The Alchemy of Yoga demographic for a moment Were the sex scenes well written Well none of it was particularly well written The sex scenes could be kind ofhonestly they were kind of boring I ve had exciting sex myself so I guess reader response to the sex scenes isependent on reader experience There s nothing revolutionary here and a lot of it is just plain unrealistic I mean come on he pretty much jackhammers her hymen and she walks away with nothing than a passing pleasant soreness Riiiight How about the time he gives her a handjob with a soapy washcloth Hello Apparently neither one of them has ever heard of a urinary tract infection Oh or we could talk about her first time giving Christian a blowjob uring which Ana established herself as some kind of ueen of Deepthroat Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene Oh you ve already heard about the tampon scene Yeah same here although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit ifferent For some reason you imagine it being worse than it actually is while at the same time reading about it is horrifying than you could possibly imagine He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string what Andgently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet Look I m not against sex Aliens Abroad during menses but a guy plucking out a girl s tampon Yeah gross I m not a prude but there are certain lines people just shouldn t cross What makes it worse is that Christian is just thrilled that Ana s raggin because he hates using condoms Apparently Mr GinormoDickoesn t know that a woman can get pregnant while on her period Which is hilarious considering all the teaching and training he s oing to remedy Ana s sexual ignorance Sexual ependence thy name is Anastasia Steele We re supposed to believe that this girl has gone 21 years neither having had sex nor masturbating Hm Well Christian s supposed sexual prowess makes a bit sense now as Chasing the Red Queen does Ana s assertion that he has a giant bologna wand She has absolutely zero experience and she s never once had anything in there Thing could be the size of a baby carrot and she still be like Oh my glob How is it ever going to fit It s good that she stockpiled all those potential orgasms though because now she s capable of having like 15 a Algorithms of the Intelligent Web day or something It s ridiculous Come to think of it Christian s obsession with her eating habits makes a bit sense now She was probably beginning to look like something out of a horror movie Seriously though are we going to take the word of a girl who is apparently so undersexed she s never even masturbated I guess I can sort of understand this obsession with some kind of an awakening butreally Oh he s soooo good in bed How the hell would she know She has absolutely nothing with which to compare not even her ownamn hand Now I ll be totally honest the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Shit is neither the sex nor the horrible writing It s the plot Thin as it is it s still there its core message being that given enough time you can change someone While I Little Witch Academia Chronicle - Little Witch Academia Chronicle - Tanki - 2017/8/31 don t have any problem with this if all you re trying too is help them to lose weight or uit smoking when you re talking about an emotionally and The Machine Stops dangerously close to physically abusive relationship sending that kind of message is ridiculous and irresponsible Christian is controlling possessive condescending and cruel Heoesn t allow Ana to behave as she normally would and Ana just puts up with it insistent that if she can give him what he wants when he wants as often as he wants she can eventually begin to pull his strings Will it work In the books probably In real life No Almost never How many misguided women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they ve read shit like this and think this kind of fucked up fairytale will come true for them I ve known women with this mentality Oh he s so Dare for More dark andangerous and threatening but he s got a sad lonely side and if I could just figure out what s wrong I could change him Wake the fuck up He may be hot he may have a huge Academia dos Anjos (Redenção Livro 2) dick he may even be rich thatoesn t make him a good person It oesn t even make him a potentially good person uitBeingAFuckingIdiot Look I can make my words Staccato like Christian Now hold still while I choke you until you pass out Ana and Christian I said on t roll your eyes at meChristian stalks Ana which she turns into a fucking joke and whispers things to her threateningly She s constantly afraid he s going to beat the crap out of her and with good reason as he on than one occasion tells her he s going towants toPotential rape is Life with My Idiot Family downplayed Ana s friend Jake Jose starts pushing himself on her rather vehemently when they re bothrunk Ana repeatedly says no but Jose just keeps trying to go in for the kill Admiral Chaps busts on up with his riding crop however and saves her Ana understandably avoids Jose for a while after that and when her other friend asks her why all Ana says is He made a pass at me Later on she and Jose are friends again the attempted kiss forgotten SighRapists appear to be a theme Christian tells Ana that he gets off on having complete and total control over another person This is not just in the bedroom but in Ana s overall life On several occasions he fails to yield when Ana says no plunging on regardless assured she ll like whatever he Before You Are Licensed does anyway so why bother stopping And there are women out there who think this is romantic I wish you the best of luck ladies Just keep in mind that while you re fantasizing about abusive misogynistic assholes like Grey there are a lot of womenealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him For all you ladies bustin out your toys while Canonization And Teaching Of African Literatures.(Matatu 7) daydreaming about Hunky Mr Grey I want you too something for me It ll only take a moment Close your eyes Think about all the things Christian Grey oes in the book Not just those supposed sweet things but really everything His condescension his control his insane jealousy his threatsand nowimagine he looks like this Still turned on The end of the book was absolutely hilarious with Ana fleeing in emotional tumult because Christian can t give her what she needs love sniff And we re treated to her alternately being angry about the pain and humiliation she faced at Christian s hands and chastising herself for being a failure and for being mean to Christian It really is classic abuse mentality Yet I see her being touted by some as strong and independent It s this kind of ignorant trash that sets feminism back ecades Women who Overcoming the Archon Through Alchemy defend this book are however unwittingly participating in some of the most blatant misogyny I ve ever witnessed giving the impression that some women enjoy beingebased abused and controlled outside of a consensual Domsub relationship This is not a book about BDSM this is a book about one sick abusive man and his obsession with a young naive invertebrate It s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who An Introduction to Agricultural Geography doesn t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect It s about two attention starved individuals with the emotional maturity of toilet paper convincing themselves that their relationship is like the best thing ever OMG It s trite insulting andangerous I fear for any impressionable young women who read this and think that this is how an ideal relationship should operate If nothing else it should be issued as a guidebook to mothers around the world to show their What Comes after Entanglement? daughters the kind of man to avoid at all costs This bookoes good men and indeed all of humanity a Algorithmics for Hard Problems: Introduction to Combinatorial Optimization, Randomization, Approximation, and Heuristics disservice SighA bestseller They re thinking of turning it into a movieI can t Word Count Oh My 79Crap 101Jeez 82Holy shitfuckcraphellcowmoses 172Whoa 13Gasp 34Gasps 11Sharp Intake of Breath 4Murmur 68Murmurs 139Whisper 96Whispers 103Mutter 28Mutters 23Fifty 16Lip 71Inner goddess 58Subconscious 82Click here for my review of Fifty Shades Darker Fifty Shades 2 In the words of Miss Steele You need to sort your shit out Grey Gooday sir Fifty Shades of Grey like Fifty shades of fucked up nonsense rolls eyes I should get a medal for just finishing this tripe I honestly Assessing English Language Learners: Bridges From Language Proficiency to Academic Achievement do NOT feel like revisiting this book and writing a review I rather spend the time searching for ways to remove this utter nonsense from my memory However this book is so bad that I feel the need to warn others from this Covert Narcissist drivel Luckily Iid not buy this garbage I Alchemy Emperor of the Divine Dao (Alchemy Emperor of the Divine Dao, do not even know what overcame me to read it and I can only blame a momentary lack of judgment on my partWhat baffles me is the scary fangirlgasm following this book So what s causing it a hit I can only come up with twilight Doing some research this book was originally posted online as a twilight fanfic Yes a twilight fanfic The fact that this book s source material isn t a good piece of literature just shows what you should expect from this book Andubbing it a twilight fanfic and promoting it as such is no oubt raising the bar on the sale figures What has the world come to headdesk Whatever s causing its success I can safely say it can t be the book itselfEverything you could possibly imagine is wrong with this book The execution and the characters And the writing And the plot wait was there one Firstly it has been said a countless number of times how abusive Bella and Edward s relationship was And it is arguably the most anti feminist portrayal of any relationship FSoG continues this unhealthy view promotes an even abusive and egrading relationship towards women targeting older women and possibly even teenage girls who know no better Oh Career Strategies for Women in Academia: Arming Athena dear god I hope teenage girlso not jump on this Ultimate African American 5 Book Romance Bundle disturbing bandwagon Surely it isegrading to ask a woman to sign a contract where she is now the property of the Dominant to be ealt with as the Dominant pleases and submitting herself to any sexual activity emanded by the Dominantwithout hesitation or argument especially when you take into consideration the fact that she would be signing up to something she has not yet experienced and knows little about
*AS SHE IS STILL A VIRGIN THIS IS NOT *she is still a virgin This is not that should be promoted as Capsule On General Agriculture desirable or idealistic This book cheapens what feminists have fought for years Don t get me wrong I wouldn teprive women of their right to express themselves sexually nor to act upon their One-Hundred-and-One African-American Read-Aloud Stories desires but I shudder at the thought of women aspiring to a relationship where she will take part in various things that she is not comfortable with and at times even when she s genuinely in fear of taking part simply because she finds the guy hot The plot I m not even sure if there was one 50% of the book is spent talking about sexthe contract and the other 50% is made up of clumsily written sex scenes view spoilerFSoG starts of with Anastasia Steele agreeing to interview the billionaire Christian Grey Miss Steele is instantly captivated by Mr Grey sashing looks and within 2 BWWM (Interracial Romance BWWM African American Multicultural Romance) days she falls in love with him Mr Grey for some unfathomable reason can t keep away from her and reveals to her his secret kinky lifestyle The two spend the rest of the romantic evening calmlyiscussing the contract that allows him to fuck her senseless She reveals to him that she s a virgin and his only response he needs to handle that situation Really The next 4 Earth Alchemy days he gets too exactly what he wants he stalks her abuses her and punishes her by spanking her several times uotes that spring to mind Please The Wanderer in African American Literature don t hit medon t be angry with medon t want you to spank me Aww isn t that romantic Atleast she finally sees some sense and walks out hide spoiler 0 stars DNF 55% Review edited February 12 2015 Sex is than an act of pleasure it s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person so connected so comfortable that it s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can t take it And at this moment you re a part of them Author unknown I ve had a rather long list of issues when Iecided to abandon ship FSoShit is garbage and if I had read a paperback I would have burned the fucking offending thing It s a total mystery to me why this book ever saw the light of The Columbia Anthology of African Literature day because let s face it the writing is incredibly juvenile The story and characters are extremely poorly written and I couldn t for the life of me connect with theumb clumsy na ve and immature heroine Also the slimy whacko Remapping Citizenship and the Nation in African-American Literature didn teserve to be called hero Christian is a highly manipulative abusive and stalker ish asshole His whispers Mind-Body Workbook for Addiction didn t endear him to me either He came off as a total creep I honestlyon t understand what Ana saw in him yet on the other hand I Handbook of Algorithms and Data Structures: Coded in Pascal and C (International Computer Science Series) didn t get it why Christian would stalk that bland and vapid wallflower In any event these twoeserved each other and Ana obviously enjoyed Grey s blunt and crude approachThe whole contract business was pretty much mind boggling I on t believe that a healthy and consensual Domsub relationship could be based upon such crappy and ridiculous rulesChristian the rich Superman sarcasm eflowered our wallflower in a way that s not even worthy of losing any words over that pathetic fuck So you The Vinyl Detective Vinyl Detective 5 did guess right I neither found the sex to be hot nor erotic AtAll Thus I better buy him a ticket to the next Mars expedition stat That would ensure that Mr Grey would not return to our cozy place called Mother EarthFSoG lacked BWWM (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 20 (Interracial African American Billionaire Baby Romance Marriage Urban) 20: Billionaires Secret Baby (BWWM Interracial African American Romance Urban Baby Romance Short Stories) depth and emotion big time Except ofisgust and anger I felt nothing towards these pathetic main protagonists and their fucked up trip bored me to tearsThe winking smileys irritated the hell outta me and all that inner goddess shit made me almost blow a fuse JesusFuckingChrist Would you give me a break already I ve read a variety of erotica books and I Alchemy do enjoy great smexin that comes with some kind ofepth and great characterization However I m not sorry to say that FSoG is ranking among the worst erotica books I ve ever readWhat s seriously bugging me as well is the fact that the general public thinks that FSoShit provides almost every woman s erotic fantasy I Agricultural Geography don t criticize readers who loved this book but I m criticizing the media coverage Ion t appreciate it when these people claim to know that s what a general majority of women love to read and want in real life or in the bedroom for that matter Seriously Never Ever FSoG is bad erotica It s bad BDSM too When people say FSoG is empowering women in their sexuality then I think something is seriously wrong Never ever could this story empower me in my sexuality What in God s name is on their minds I "CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF "do it all by myself my very healthy hand and I can gladly say that my boyfriend is empowering me just fine and is taking care of my needs Thank you very much BTW my boyfriend is not an abusive and manipulative stalker Oh yes now it Whats Wrong with My Kid? dawns on memy boyfriend is realBottom line the barely there plot and the characters were overly shallow underdeveloped immature and boring The amateurish writing killed anyesire to read anything else by this author in the future And last but not least my inner goddess was so fucking relieved when she had to uit eventually It was a very tedious and crappy experience and I wish I had never bought this book let alone attempted to go through this rubbish I was in Three Negro Classics dire need of bleaching my brainChristopher Hitchens said Everybodyoes have a book in them but in most cases that s where it should stay As a side note You know I was beginning to wonder if I needed to change some of my two star books to one star I was thinking that I might not ever personally read a book worthy of one star and I was messing up my scale by giving some of the lame books I ve read lately two stars instead of oneThank you EL James for proving to me there was something worth waiting for Something that truly exemplifies the meaning of terribleNow hold up all you would be Harm Reduction Psychotherapy: A New Treatment for Drug and Alcohol Problems defenders I read this whole thing Iid not skip anything I Girl in the Water did not skim I read every word I bought this book with the intention of giving it the benefit of theoubt You see I love erotica and I m not ashamed to say that I both read as you see on my 2012 books I ve already read two others and write it myself So I was thinking to myself oh maybe there s a possibility that even though this is a twi fiction rewrite and even though everyone makes fun of it it could still be a fun little guilty pleasure read that I can laugh along withNONONONOThis book is NOT eroticsexy funny even ironically endearing full of sexual taboosThis book IS repetitive plotless well you knew that painful to get through Algorithmic Diagnosis of Symptoms and Signs: Cost-Effective Approach depicting manipulative controlling and selfestructive as Computer and Machine Vision desirable how to not write a novel how to gain success by using other people s characters barely changing them and then laughing all the way to the bankMost people know about the twilight matchups so I m not going to go into too muchetail but it was actually uite sickening how lazy she was to change ANY story The Amazing My Hero Academia memes detailsBella Anastasia a clumsy girl who grew up in Arizona Las Vegas with her mother then moved to Forks Vancouver Washington where herad stepdad lives while her mother lives with her new husband in Florida Georgia She has a younger friend named Jacob Jose with a crush on her and whose Alien Mate 3 Alien Mate dad is friends with herad because they are fishing partners and police force army buddies and who gave her his old truck VW beetleEdward Christian who is adopted and has a sibling named Emmett Elliott and a sister named Alice Mia also adopted who live with their parents Carlisle Carrick really CARRICK We couldn t even change the first three letters and Esme Grace Their father mother is a The Alchemy of Desire doctor Rose Kate and Jasper Ethan are also siblings in this story but have been changed to be friends of Anastasia since in Twilight they already have a convenientifferent last name than the other CullensAlso he Native American Action Stories dazzles herI can t even function over the fact that upon preparing this book for publishing she couldn t change one fucking thing to make it even remotelyifferent That was too hard TOO DAMN HARD The similarities in character are so untouched that I am sincerely appalled that she thought it The Biodynamic Farm different enough to publish as is It s uiteisgustingAlright continuing on and once again I m sure you ve heard this already this book is terribly written Most notably the lack of ability to Academia Dream describe anything other than the few choice phrases she knows how to type He ran his hands through his hair I bit my lip He told me not to bite my lip Oh jeez He grabbed me by the chin to make me look up at him Holy crap I peeked up at him Lather rinse repeat Over And over And over For 500 pages Then there s the case of multiple personalityisorder where she hears the voices of two BILLIONAIRE ROMANCE distinct other pieces of herself in her head The subconscious the one telling her she s not good enough and the inner goddess the one that s all into the sex It s strange because I m also currently reading a book right now Deadline where the main character hears a voice in his head because he is literally insane and it s written almost the exact same way he talks back to his voice who presents herself in italics just as Anastasia talks back to her two italics voices It s funny because she s supposed to be completely normal and yet shares the same schizophrenic tendencies as a book about someone who is completely insane This is sense Check out this awesome short paragraph from chapter 24 Through the haze of light I suint and see Christian leaning over me smilin. Einem Interview für ihre Uni Zeitung kennen Und möchte ihn eigentlich schnellstmöglich wieder vergessenenn Dictionary of Occult, Hermetic and Alchemical Sigils die Begegnung mit ihm hat sie zutiefst verwirrt So sehr sie sich aberarum bemüh.